Angel Kisses
by Ms. Selly
Summary: Song-fic Anya's reactions and thoughts in heaven. Xanya


Angel Kisses

Disclaimer: I do not own any Buffy characters or the song 'Around the Corner of your Eye'

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_If you knew how many nights_

_I've been sitting by your bed_

_Running fingers through your hair_

_While you're asleep_

Anya sat on the side of the bed. For at least the hundredth time, she reached out for Xander. And once again…her hand passed right through. Clenching her fists she rose. Her feet looked like they were on the floor…but she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel any of it. Slowly, she allowed her fingers to unfurl and stared at her hands.

"Why?"

_Every time I call your name_

_Or softly whisper in your ear_

_You turn around to look for me_

_But no one's there_

It was the question she asked a million times.

"Why can't I be a real ghost? I know they exist…so why can't I be one?"

"Your death was meaningful." The same voice that answered all of her questions. Not deep or high. Not feminine or masculine. Just…a voice.

"Meaningful," she snorted, "You should have to tell my boyfriend that. He's a carpenter you know. Go tell him my death is 'meaningful'."

"Aud-"

"Don't call me that! That's not my name. My name is Anya. Xander calls me Anya."

_Wherever you are wherever you go_

_I'll be around_

_I'll be around, just want you know_

"Why did I have to die? Why then?"

"It's part of the Plan," Tara replied. Anya laughed harshly and looked away.

"Right. 'The Plan'. I don't think I believe there is a plan."

"We have to believe in the Plan, Anya. Otherwise…" she trailed off and when Anya looked back her eyes were tearing.

"I understand, Tara. If we don't believe in the Plan, it means we left them all alone for no reason." Tara nodded weakly.

_If you're lost without me_

_Wondering where I might be_

_I'll be waiting just around _

_The corner of your eye_

The most painful thing was watching him. Sometimes she wondered if it would be better if she didn't go back down to Earth to see what was happening. To see Xander…see his pain…and be able to do nothing…it was the most excruciating pain she had ever endured. But every time she decided not to go…not to subject herself to the misery…she felt herself drawn back to him.

_Like an angel watching_

_Meet me when you're dreaming_

_I'll be waiting just around_

_The corner of your eye_

"Are we in heaven?" Joyce looked up in surprise.

"Well, I don't know Anya. I would say we are…since we're all together again."

"We better be in heaven," Anya crossed her arms, "Not to be egotistical or anything, but I did a hell of a lot of good work. If I'm not in heaven…well that would just be uneconomical. The reward wouldn't be proportionate to the effort."

Tara smiled behind her hand, "Trust you to think of it in economical terms Anya."

_I could be your pot of gold_

_Everything you're wishing for_

_But do you really wanna find_

_The rainbow's end?_

"Do you still miss her?"

"Every moment." Tara didn't even look up from her book. Anya rearranged herself and sighed.

"But does it ever get better?"

"It helps that I know that Willow is doing the right thing and that we'll be reunited someday."

"She started dating somebody else," Anya pointed out, "How can you be so sure she'll still want you when it's all over?"

"It doesn't matter how many people you love, Anya. There's enough room in your heart for all of them."

"Love isn't a finite resource," Joyce added, "love is always growing."

_Let me know and I'll come true_

_I will give my all to you_

_But don't let anybody take_

_Your dream away_

"What. The. Hell. Spike gets to go back?! SPIKE?!"

"Calm down, sweetie."

"Calm down?! How can I calm down?! After all this They send Spike of all people back?!"

"His role in the Plan must not be done yet-"

"Plan-schman! That is so unfair!"

"The Goddess and the Powers That Be are not always fair Anya. Spike apparently still has something to do on Earth."

"Am I the only one who feels this way? Don't you two wish it had been you instead?"

"Of course we do, Anya. But wishing isn't going to get us anywhere. We've been dead longer than you have, dear. We're used to it."

_Wherever you are wherever you go_

_I'll be around_

_I'll be around, just want you know_

"Do you think Xander will ever fall in love again?"

"Mmm?" Tara turned back to Anya, "What about Xander?"

"Will he fall in love again?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"I'd like it if he didn't," Anya sat down and rested her head in her hands.

"Would you really?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I like my boyfriend staying true to me even through death?"

"Well, if he never loves again he'll be unhappy. Do you really want Xander to be unhappy?"

Anya wrinkled her nose and sighed, "No. But I'm not gonna wish for him to find someone either." Tara shook her head and laughed quietly.

_If you're lost without me_

_Wondering where I might be_

_I'll be waiting just around _

_The corner of your eye_

"Will we be reborn?"

"I don't know," Joyce said thoughtfully, "I would guess not. Or at least it will take a while for us to go since I've been here for…" she thought "How long has it been?"

"Around two years," Anya figured.

"Two years," she sighed, "It doesn't seem like so long."

"I've only been dead for a month," Anya pointed out, "But it seems like a year."

"The first months go slowest," Tara replied, "Then you just lose track of human time all together."

_Like an angel watching_

_Meet me when you're dreaming_

_I'll be waiting just around_

_The corner of your eye_

"You know what I hate? Men."

"Anya-"

"Just hear me out. Men are stupid. They never think with their brains if they can help it. You slaughter them for centuries and then suddenly bam you're human. And then you start to feel for them. Him. And he makes bad jokes but you laugh at them anyway because he's the one making them. And then you fall in love with him. And there's nothing worse than love. Because you feel all happy and gooey but only so long as he feels happy and gooey or else you're sad for no reason besides he's sad over some stupid thing. And everything goes haywire and all of sudden you want to be with him forever.

And then you decide to get married and then he leaves you at the altar and you hate him more than anything in the world but you still can't bring yourself to hurt him no matter how much you want to. And then after hating him and hating him…you realize you still love him. And it's stupid! Why should you love someone who shattered your heart into tiny little microscopic pieces? But you do.

And then you're in love again and it's wonderful. And then the Apocalypse comes. And then you die. And he's still there. Alone. And you feel bad because you left him alone even though it was in no way your fault you died. I hate men."

"Anya…" Tara placed a hand on her shoulder gently, "It's all right."

"No…no it's not," Anya blew her nose on her sleeve ,"It is not all right!"

"Anya-" Joyce began, sounding awed.

"Not now…"

"But Anya-"

"I'm busy feeling sorry for myself!"

"Jesus Ahn…are you still moping?"

"Xander?"

_There's a song playing_

_In every heart beating_

_In a key that unlocks every door_

_There's a time for knowing_

_What's behind the curtain_

_And it's all you're wishing for_

**_Fin_**


End file.
